Several months ago, a friend asked me, "If you had the chance to start your life over and rewrite it, would you take it?"
I thought about his question for a moment, and then answered, “No. I wouldn’t.” We discussed the topic for some time and had a good, deep conversation.
There was a time when I would have said yes. There was a time when I would have jumped at the chance to go back, do things over, not do that stupid thing, do something wise, take a risk, go on the adventure. There was a time when I had regrets. But not anymore.
Have I messed up? Big time. Have I done things I'm not proud of? Absolutely. Have I made choices that I would not recommend making? For sure.
Even still, I wouldn't change a thing. I’ve done some bad things. I’ve gotten myself into painful messes. I’ve missed opportunities because I hesitated or was scared.
And yeah, if I were able to go back in time, knowing what I know now (which still isn’t much), I could change some things, maybe even ‘clean myself up.’ But, if that impossible opportunity did come, I’d turn it down.
I am content with my past, not because it's perfect (it's not), but because I am content with my present. Where I am now, and who Jesus has crafted me into, is a testimony. It tells the story of a helpless, lost, broken girl who was radically saved, healed, and set free by a merciful King of grace.
Jesus has taken the ugly and made it beautiful. He has taken the vile and made her pure. He has taken an ashamed mouse and turned her into a bold lioness. The transforming power of Christ is displayed all throughout my life and my person, and I wouldn't trade it for anything.
So, no, I wouldn’t change a thing. My life is imperfectly perfect, and Jesus has redeemed and restored me. I’ll keep my imperfection. I’ll keep my messy self. Because of my past, because of my imperfections, I get to know Jesus in places I never would have had I been ‘perfect’ or ‘flawless.’
And as I walk day by day with my Jesus, He smooths the rough edges of my heart, refining and purifying me. I believe there will be a day when I do enter perfection – but it won’t be my doing. It will be my Father’s. I look forward to that day. And for now, in my imperfect present, I’ll let myself be.
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