My Dream Guy List

Today I’m sharing something that has been a part of me for years, but I have rarely spoken of. And quite frankly, it’s a bit nerve-racking to disclose something so very personal; but transparency often requires vulnerability, and vulnerability is inherently laced with risk.

Anyway. Here goes:

I have a Dream Guy List.

The list came into being as part of a girls’ book study I did when I was 12. Some girlfriends and I explored a book, Lies Young Women Believe (by Nancy Wolgemuth and Dannah Gresh). As a result of that study, one of my closest friends and I created a Dream Guy List together.

She came over for a sleepover and we found a quiet place (sometimes a challenging task in my house) to delve into what our hearts longed for in a life-long partner and companion. With paper and pencil in hand, we began to write.

Some of the items on our lists, we asked each other about. ‘Is it weird to put down that he’s a good hugger?’ ‘I want him to be taller than me. Should I put that down?’ Etc. Most of our lists, however, we created on our own.

Then we shared our lists with each other, agreeing, encouraging, and sometimes laughing in surprise at what was there. It was a sweet time, as we presented our young, pure hearts before each other in confidence that we would be accepted.

Now you’re probably wondering, ‘That’s great, Carolyn, buy why are you telling me this?’ Excellent question.

There are a few reasons:

1. It’s scary. It’s something I’d rather not share because it feels like such a deep part of me. So I’m challenging myself to be brave and unveil it anyway.

2. It’s worthwhile. Maybe there’s someone who needs to hear about my crazy, daringly hopeful list, so he or she can be assured that his or her standards aren’t too high.

3. It’s for my sisters. Particularly, my youngest sister.

I’ll explain. When I was visiting my family in San Antonio for Christmas, my youngest sister (who is 14) said she thought she’d end up being an old maid because she had such a lengthy dream guy list and was too picky. I asked her how many items were on her list, and she responded with a number that I no longer remember (the number is insignificant). I then told her no, that’s not too long; in fact, mine is longer.

Encouraged, she allowed us to peruse her list. I was surprised that she so willingly let us into something so ... vulnerable. And though she seemed uncomfortable, she didn’t shrink back from sharing her heart. Because she did this, I was able to agree with her on a dream that matter so much to her.

I promised her I would send her my list, and I later emailed it to her and my other sisters. But I decided to take it a step further; this is why I’m sharing it with you.

Now, I won’t be revealing all of my list, but I will present some of the priorities and preferences I have. I’ll give you a glimpse and a taste of what I’m believing for.

Before I do so, I want to tell you why this list is important.

My Dream Guy List was birthed in hope. It isn’t some wishful fantasy of a man that doesn’t exist and will never come.

Rather, it is my faith-filled, daring, confident hope that there is such a man in this world, and God will bring him into my life at just the right time.

There have been moments over the past ten years when I thought my list was too long, too picky, too demanding. Still, I have held onto it.

And while there have been revisions, edits, and refashionings of my list over time, the changes weren’t implemented because I was asking for too much, but instead because my priorities had shifted.

This list is a continual work in progress. Every once in a while, I review it.

• First, to remind myself of the man I hope to be mine.

• Second, to encourage myself in the standards I want to live up to (e.g., how can I ask my Father for a patient man while remaining an impatient woman?).

• Third, to reevaluate what is necessary for me – to ask myself again what matters most to me.

As my list is now, I have priorities and preferences. The priorities are musts. The preferences are additional desires – while I would like them to be wrapped up in this man, I don’t view them as necessary.

I keep my preferences on my list, for I believe God cares about them, and He is a Father who delights in knowing my wants as well as my needs. He is in the details, even the most miniscule ones. So I share it all with Him.

I suppose the case could be made that I’m setting myself up for failure or disappointment. What if the man I dream of never comes? Or what if a man appears who fits most of my list, but not all of it? What if my expectations are too high? What if my dreams are unrealistic?

Yeah. There are a lot of what ifs. But I choose to believe that the God who put these desires in my heart will fulfill them. He doesn’t think I’m too picky. He doesn’t call me demanding. He doesn’t trample my dreams. He encourages me to hope, to hold on, to wait and not settle. To believe that He will surpass even my wildest dreams.

In some ways, this list is just a list. But in other ways, it’s more. It’s a symbol of my hope. It’s a declaration of faith. It whispers to me a truth that is sometimes hard to swallow: “You are worthy.”

Jesus believes I’m worth dying for. He sacrificed all for me. If He calls me worth it, then how can I not believe there will be a man who considers me worthy of his love? How could I ever ask for too much, when my Father is willing to give me everything?

I’m not expecting perfection. I’m not requesting a flawless man with a Hollywood smile and millions of dollars. I’m not asking for a fairytale, where we ride off into the sunset and the rest of our lives are all lollipops and daisies.

I know that whoever I am blessed to have by my side will be imperfect, scarred, and will have a past (we will have that in common). He and I are going to have to work through some things. Sometimes, it will be hard. There will be rough times. (There will also be much beauty and inexplicable joy.) 

But as someone who has struggled most of her life with feeling unworthy, I need the reminder that I am worth so much more than I think. If my Jesus calls me worthy, then I will believe Him, and I will agree with Him. One of the ways I do that is by dreaming in hope for a man who also calls me worthy.

That’s why. That’s why this list is so important to me.

And now, my friends, here is a sample of this list.

Carolyn’s Dream Guy List

Priorities:

• He loves Jesus more than anything

• He is forgiving

• He is patient

• He is faithful

• He is encouraging

• He is adventuresome

• He’s humble

• He’s honest

• He is free (from his past)

• He is careful about what he watches/listens to/reads

Preferences:

• He’s wild

• He’s funny

• He’s playful

• He’s close with his family

• He has great, frequent smiles

• He’s taller than me

• He’s older than me

• He is curious

Whatever you’re believing God for – a spouse, a job, a breakthrough, a fresh dose of love, joy, or purpose – don’t be afraid to dream. Jesus loves it when we dream with Him, and He isn’t afraid of being unable to meet your dreams. He will surpass them, because He is so much greater than our finite minds can understand.

You can’t dream too much. You can’t shoot too high. You can’t dive too far. Nothing is impossible with God. If you allow Him to shape your dreams, then you can be confident He will fulfill them.

Dream big. Dream loud. Dream crazy, impossible dreams. Dare to hope that your Father will bring your dreams to pass.